Welcome to the suckiest web page Red Mountain has to offer. If there were awards for suckiness, Red would take first place. 'Cause it sucks.
Friendly staff and locals? Stuck up and unfriendly. No one skis any good. And their fashion sense? Terrible. Super old-school.
Even the lift-tickets suck, it's like, what, I have to put this on myself? That sucks.
Still not convinced? Well, their hot chocolate is way too chocolatey. The snow's too light and fluffy. You can barely see the trees under all the powder. And who wants to shovel their car out at the end of the day? With thirty feet of fresh a year, that's wayyy too much snow.
What's new? More like, what sucks? There's a giant new patio, so big you might get lost. Rafters Pub has a brand new 360 degree bar, but that's only gonna cause more confusion, round and 'round, total vertigo.
And the crowds? Over an acre and a half to yourself on a busy day, way too much elbow room. It's straight up lonely out there, no one to hold your hand down Red's legendary chutes, glades and steeps. Forget meeting anyone. Boooo.
If you think you can handle all that extreme suckiness, good luck. You'll need it. Maybe you'll even want to enter their lame-o contest. Play it again, Sam or Samantha, and let us know what our host says while shredding Red's glades. So sign up on the right for a chance to win a trip to Red to see for yourself why this place bites.
Pfft! Red Mountain… So over it. If you even care, visit their crappy website at http://www.redresort.com.
